How to not write a Novel
A messy field guide to literary ambition, structural chaos, and the illusion of plot.
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How to Not Write a Novel: The Advice Chapter
Or, what I’ve learned from reading writing advice (and ignoring all of it) Credit The thing about writing advice is that it’s everywhere. Like glitter, or unsolicited feedback. It clings to you long after you’ve tried to brush it off. It shows up on podcasts, in Substack essays, at the back of MFA brochures. And Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: The Impostor Chapter
Or, how I quit my job to write a novel I hadn’t started, then quietly returned to that same job three months later [Representative Image generated using AI] In 2012, I did what any delusional person with a vague idea for a novel might do. I walked into my boss’s office and quit my job. Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: The Epigraph Obsession
Or, how I found the perfect quote to open my novel, without actually writing the novel [Representative Image generated using AI] At some point in the last few years, somewhere between revising Chapter One for the fifth time and deleting Chapter Two altogether, I decided what my novel really needed was not more plot, or Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: The Author Photo Obsession
Or, how I spent three months curating a literary identity for a book that doesn’t exist [Representative Image generated using AI] You know what’s really important when writing a novel? No, not plot.Not character arcs.Not even finishing the draft. It’s the author photo. Because at some point during your fifth writing spiral and fourth abandoned Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: Structure Is a Scam
Or, how I confused a literary quote for a plot outline and never recovered [Representative Image generated using AI] When I first started writing the novel (note: it was still called The Novel back then), I did what any self-respecting, under-confident writer does: I collected quotes. Not just any quotes, writer quotes.The kind that sound like truth.The kind Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: The Short Story Spiral
Or, how I wrote 2,000 words, submitted to 18 journals, and got rejected by 17 (the 18th ghosted me) [Representative Image generated using AI] When you’re not writing your novel but still need to prove to yourself (and a few persistent relatives) that you’re a real writer, there’s one thing left to do: submit a Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: The Vibe Is the Plot
Or, how I had a playlist, a Pinterest board, and three fake book covers—but no story [Representative Image generated using AI] Let’s be clear: I never said I was writing a structured novel. I said I was writing a novel. That’s different. And by “writing,” I mean I have a Spotify playlist with 47 songs, all chosen Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: Research Is Just Gossip With a Purpose
Aka, how my novel is 0 words long but my browser history is a national threat [Representative Image generated using AI] Let’s be honest: writers love research not because it makes the writing better, but because it delays the writing altogether. Also, I imagine once you win the Booker or get invited to some random Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: Old Wine, New Bottle
How I Decided to Upcycle My 2008 WIP in the Name of Sustainability (and Shame) [Representative Image generated using AI] Back in 2008, I had a dream.Well, I had a Word doc, a pirated version of Scrivener, and a protagonist who quoted Paulo Coelho unironically, but same difference. It was a different time.Dr. Manmohan Singh Continue reading
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How to Not Write a Novel: The Deleted Years
How I am kinda, sorta back.. [Representative Image generated using AI] Dear gentle reader (that is just me talking to myself, because let’s face it, there are no readers), Presenting: a resurrection and a comeback absolutely nobody asked for. Why did I quit this blog? Who knows. Maybe I thought I was protecting future me Continue reading
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